Seeing through Big Brother's eyes

The Internet is constantly opening our horizons bringing entertainment, fact, and fiction. Google now not only has a Google Earth feature where one can learn a bit of geography, but they have a camera feature. The funny ... terrible part? The cities you can view are: San Francisco, Denver, Miami, and New York - must be the happening places to be. I wonder if I can find the person who stole my wallet or kids who broke into my car on here ...

Here's a screenshot of my dream home.

Wine-o no no

Making full use of the 3-day weekend, I joined Lisa and a group of her friends and we made our way up to Napa. We enjoyed a handful of wineries and Campaign caves limo style and Dean & DeLucas for lunch. Our tasting ended at the feistiest winery of them all. Why the feist? The pourer stormed out in the middle of a pouring for two girls saying "I'm going to lunch - I can't take these two girls anymore." Oh so posh!

Bowl-o-rama

Bowling is one of those pass-times that we rarely think of but always have a good time doing. On Saturday we decided to branch out and make our way to the Presidio bowling center. The ally was filled with isms of all shapes and sizes - a couple on a date (I'm guessing first), a girl wearing a wedding dress with her bride's maids, and a group of 20-somethings who seemed to be in their own world completely.

I get my thrills on Lombard hill...

In the summer months, Matt and I skip TV and music and opt for the entertainment of Lombard. Daily, cars line up to drive up and over Lombard to take pictures and ruin their engines down the windy part of the hill. Living on the corner of Polk and Lombard, we're right at the bottom of the hill and enjoy the sites and sounds of tourists trying to make their way up and over - the screeching, honking, and smell of petrol that accompanies tourists looking exhausted and bewildered as they try to make their way up and over the hill. Tonight is an especially funny night as there are two Hummers trying to make their way up and over - the drivers of both look frightened while the passengers look "radder than rad." The funniest part? The drivers seem too scared to start and stop so instead are opting to drive up the hill at less than a mile per hour.

Welcome to crazy-town

We all know San Francisco is filled with isms - odd, quirky, extreme, and indifferent people of all sorts. Yesterday I was driving to the Marriot for a site visit (big mistake by the way - I've really got to get over my fear of public transportation here - a 2-mile drive took 45-minutes to make it through China Town and the Financial District). On my way through Union Square while stopped at a red light I witnessed a working-ism loosing it. A woman in an orange vest, clearly working for the city in construction, was watering the street. Why? I do not know...maybe prepping it for cementing or maybe she thought because it was warmish the street needed to cool down. All of the sudden it seemed like something flipped for the woman and she started pointing the hose at tourists and passing cars. Most of the passers by were too startled to do anything, probably to frightened as well. Crazy San Franciscans.

Mind the road

As the weather gets better drivers seem to get worse. Outside of hearing the typical rants and slurs on San Francisco streets, I'm noticing more aggressive drivers. The not-so-alarming thing is that most of the agro drivers are in the South Bay - not my city by the Bay. Why is this not-so-alarming you might ask? Because where there's tech industry, there's stress. With so many people on their way to their very important days and back-to-back meetings making our world survive one server and software enabled application at a time, it's no wonder the industry is wrought with a dire need for vitamin B and a long meditation.

Ah, after that rant I feel much better - now when I get cut off on the freeway on my way home I can go ahead and cut off right back and feel no angst.

AAA (Acronyms All Around)

No, this one is not about my friendly insurance company. It seems like as life continues to move faster and faster with the Internet booming and attention spans decreasing. As the speed increases it seems the letter-count in our writing decreases. Instead of words, we read our way through acronyms.

I work in the technology industry where acronyms seem to be the only known language well known to the lucky few who live tech. Our vernacular is made up of:

• GI (General Interface) our AJAX (Asynchronous JavaScript and XML) solution


• BO (Business Optimization)


• My boss always says this acronym stinks and it always makes me laugh. Child humor will never die.


• SOA (Service Oriented Architecture)


• BPM (Business Process Management)


• MDM (Master Data Management)

The short attention span we’re all getting used to at work with the acronyms filling our vocabulary, sound bytes instead of full articles or stories filling our email, and quick IM conversations instead of phone meetings carries into the city. On my way home from running this evening I looked at a few for rent signs.

There’s a whole-sublanguage I’m learning in renters land.

• 1-BD (one bedroom)


• 1-BA (one bathroom)


• JBA (don’t get tricked by this one – it means teeny tiny bedroom)

The apartment down the street from me has a whopper: “1-BD, 1-BA, FDR, pkg ava. And view - $2,750.” I’m still trying to decipher this one. I’ve got that it’s a one-bedroom, one-bathroom, with parking available and a nice view, but what’s FDR? Fedora? Front Door? I have to admit, I’m stuck.

Well, for now, TTYLAB.

Potty mouth

I must say - the movie A Christmas Story illustrated it best when poor Ralphie suffered the consequences of repeating his dad's vocabulary.

How does this tie into my beloved city? San Francisco is known for its hills and I’m finding we’re known for foul language as well. I’m guilty of the occasional sign-language (not the PC kind, but the gesture = a thousand words kind) and cussing loudly with my windows rolled up. Terrible and working on it. Some people take the “other language” to the extreme. I’m used to the T-loin turrets and drug induced slurs, in fact I’m growing a bit immune to it, but some rantings I just can’t believe.

After circling for 30min looking for parking today and finally finding a spot (and this was a lucky day) I started walking down Lombard. Half way down I saw another lucky car find an open spot. At first I was jealous because their spot was way farther down the hill than mine. Then, I realized it was a tourist and was a bit peeved. How could I tell they were a tourist? For a long minute I watched the driver sit looking scared to death as they tried to figure out how to navigate the tight turn and sideways parking. While they were stalled halfway in the middle of the hill, cars crossing Polk wound around them making their way up Lombard. Then, a group of motorcycles drove up and the driver at the front of the pack started yelling “learn to f’ing parallel you f’ing moron!” not only did he need to wash his mouth out with some industrial strength soap, he obviously needed a driving school lesson – if anyone thinks they’re going to parallel on Lombard they’re sorely mistaken. And if anyone tries to parallel on Lombard there will be some serious potty mouthing – it would take up two prime spots!

After writing all that I feel like I need to go sit in the corner for a while.

Missed You at Bay to Breakers

A Molly-ism

I was hoping to get a glimpse of you in your Cat in the Hat costume, but all I saw were Thing 1, Thing 2, Thing 3... Only in SF!

Trick or treat…or run

It was Bay to Breakers today – the day when the cities finest, oddest, and nudists come out to run. This year Linzy and I dressed as Cat in the Hat – finally having a proper costume was a first for us. Over the past 4-years we’ve raided Walgreens at 11pm the night before race day or mutilated our costumes on accident. Last year was the Globe Trotter incident – Matt went to buy my wig but wound up getting a child’s size so hoots of “you go jerry curl” echoed after me throughout the race. The year before we tried to cut wigs into mullets but I succeeded in cutting a bob with bald spots. Before that was ladies in the ‘80s in our 80s – one of the night raid costume concoctions made of curlers, a rain bonnet, PJs, and cut up sweatshirts.

Costumes aside, the Bay to Breakers is a hilarious race. At 7:30am costumed runners and serious runners congregate near the start line and the party begins. A handful of groups put together floats while others deck weird costumes. There are the usuals at B2B – the Elvi who love to bombard the front runners, the salmon who run the race backwards, and the nude runners – these always seem to be the people who should never be nude. I wonder if the kids lining the street wonder why there’s no candy being handed out.

Time to start working on next year’s costume!

Biking and kayaking and ferrying oh my!

Today we met up with some old work friends and enjoyed the perfect Marin-San Francisco toggle. We met at Ft. Mason on bike and rode over the bridge to Sausalito. Riding over the bridge was fun as bikers get one side of the bridge and walkers the other. During the ride I kept thinking “I’m on the Golden Gate – the bridge people come from all over to visit and I’m just crossing to get somewhere.” How lucky. In between thinking how lucky we are, I was fighting the wind as around the curves it was pretty brutal. Once on the other side we jetted straight downhill and to Sea Trek.

Sea Trek is always a good time – I think kayakers are a bit like yoga addicts as they’re mellowed by the sun and salt and don’t really seem to care about who’s better/smarter/richer/faster – they just care about having fun and being healthy. Because it was so windy we rented two tandems and made our way out into the wind and waves. This was probably the most wind we’ve had to paddle through. Ducking into the house boat area “the coldesacks” our friend called them, we paddled past house boats that could undoubtedly rival mansions in Russian Hill.

The sea lions were out in full force today stinking up the kayak path and barking at the wind which added to the entertainment. After exhausting ourselves on a too-short paddle, we made our way to back to the bikes and to a restaurant called Fish. This restaurant always makes me laugh a bit as it’s a complete hole in the wall (an expensive one, but a hidden one) that boasts fresh fish and snacks but it’s always swarming with tourists. Two pitchers and 12 fish tacos later we were ready to head home. The wind was still putting up a force field so we decided to go ferry route instead of bike route. A good decision it turned out – my bike tires were completely flat by the time we made it to the ferry.

As soon as the ferry docked back in San Francisco I docked myself in the ferry building (chocolate section to be precise) and waited for Matt to ride home, come get the car, and come get me and my broken bike.

Sporty

It’s warming up in the city and bikini on the roof season. That means, it’s get fit quick season too. Today we woke early(ish) and enjoyed a bike ride over the bridge to Sausalito where we went kayaking. Maybe enjoy is the wrong word…while the sun was shining, the wind was in full effect – at points on the bridge it felt like we were on stationary bikes. Ah summer in SF…

New do

A few weeks ago I attended a Habitat for Humanities fundraiser/event where I “won” a silent auction for hair color and cut. Finally, after lollygagging to make an appointment, I made it in for my new look. Thursday I made my way to the Castro District to Jungle Red salon. The Castro is similar to Russian Hill – tons of shops, restaurants, bars, and fashionistas…but with a twist. Walking down the street I passed bars called “Does Your Mom Know,” “Boys Only,” and “Sh Don’t Tell,” and those were the tame names!

At one point I stopped at a cross walk next to some British tourists. The couple must have been in their 80s and this was clearly the first time they’d been to San Francisco. While waiting for the glowing man to appear indicating that we could cross, the woman turned to her husband saying “Dear, I’m stahving” (insert endering British accent here – not wanna-be-posh LA accent). Her husband quickly(ish) turned looking for a decent place to enjoy an early bird special (it was 4pm) and, looking triumphant, turned to his wife “Look – ‘Big Sausage For You’ – that sounds good, doesn’t it?” Both of them turned looking excited and eager to eat and walked toward the sign. All I could think was “Dear Lord please be a deli.”

The cut and color were less than impressive – maybe because the stylists knew I had already paid, or maybe because surly is in. Regardless, now sporting a do 2-inches shorter and 3-shades darker and I will never go back to the salon again.

Feelin’ hot hot hot! It’s

It's hot here in the city. I mean really hot – not capris with a San Francisco fleece weather, but tank and shorts hot. It’s so hot that Linzy even made it to the beach – Baker! The funny thing is, although we’re mostly Californians here, people don’t seem to know what to do with themselves. The street is filled with scantly clad girls holding their boyfriends’ hands. The boyfriend in most of these pairs has layers draped over him holding sweatshirts and sweaters just in case. The sidewalks are blinding – I don’t think San Francisco has seen this much leg or arm in years. Truly, walking outside is a blinding effort. I love it. Now to go lay on the roof and pretend to read while I doze into a nice, warm, afternoon nap.

Name-ism

A few months ago I read that Paris Hilton's cover name is Amber Taylor. Funny. A co-worker of mine just sold a domain name for uber bucks (and he deserved it) - well, if Paris ever wants to buy mine ... one word ... in!

Livermore – Napa jr.

Matt’s parents are in town and, while there is no end of great things to do in SF, we decided to make our way to Livermore. Matt and Don went to play golf at Wente (undoubtedly one of the nicest courses I’ve ever seen) while Kathleen and I made our way to the towns’ art and wine festival. I never knew much about Livermore. I knew it was somewhere roughly in the middle of no-where, but that’s about it. The town is surrounded by wineries covering the hills. Cars on the road vary from BMW and Mercedes to monster trucks and American made macho mobiles. Walking the streets of the festival I started to feel extremely old. It seemed like a high school reunion grounds for people in their 50s down to recent grads.

Here’s the granny in me - the teens and 20s wore skimpy dresses and shorts and I felt like lecturing them on hiding bra straps and underpants under their clothes. One girl had her shorts rolled down so you could see the top of her sparkly pink skivvies while her tank top was twisted such that – well, you get the picture. Back to San Francisco even the teenage Marina girls look modest to me.

Goodness I feel old.

Outside looking in

Outside looking in
We just wrapped our user conference. I love the end of conferences – all the stress builds up and on the last day there is such an overwhelming feeling of peace. It’s like a sick addiction – go through the angst to enjoy the aftereffect. This year’s user conference was in my favorite city – good ‘ol San Francisco. We held the event in the Hilton downtown – a large, nice(ish) venue perfect for a big conference. It was interesting hearing people talk about the city as they made their way around the hotel (I wasn’t eavesdropping or anything – just minding my own business with my ears open).

The disappear-scare
One woman parked a few blocks from the hotel. She was so nervous to walk to her car, Molly volunteered Daniel. After Daniel didn’t pass by Molly’s station for a few hours, Molly, a San Francisco resident herself, was getting so nervous we had to track Daniel down to prove he was still here.

Foodies
Nightly groups of people made their way out of the hotel to eat at one of the cities five star hot spots. There are so many delicious places in town a few crowds hit up two a night. Now that is dedication to good eats.